Sebahu.com   [pron: say-baa-hoo]

Things You Wish You Could Say To Your Boss

from Richard Boettner

The tidbits here are certainly on many of our minds, just too bad too many bad bosses evoke these kinds of responses in us and they just don't get it. I truly believe there are two kinds of individuals in the world: Humans and Animals. Humans have all the wonderful qualities we look for in our selves and others. Animals are primal and are often far removed, to varying degrees, from Humans, acting rather than thinking or being.

Some of the following are borrowed. A number are my own. Some were actually things I've heard. I do not encourage anyone to say any of these things to a boss unless everyone understands it is in pure fun. If you have some of your own, email them to:
sebahu AT gmail.com, with the subject: Things You Wish You Could Say To Your Boss. Include your name if you would like it to be included.

• Hell No!
• I don't know what your problem is, but don't bother me with it.
• What is you psychological condition called?
• How about I do it never.
• Never is a good time for me.
• Does that come with a reasonable raise?
• I see you've set aside time to humiliate yourself in public areas.
• I'll make you a deal, I'll be a better employee if you increase your IQ.
• I'm going insane, but feel free to leave a message.
• What you see today is my clone and my real self cannot be held responsible for its actions.
• I don't work here, I just collect a paycheck.
• Why are you bothering me with that?
• It sounds like words, but I really can't make out what it is you're trying to say.
• It sounds like English, but the words are making no sense whatsoever.
• You look like you need anger management.
• Ahhh....I see the screw-up fairy paid us a visit again.
• You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
• You have validated my mistrust for strangers.
• Friends? Us? In whose universe?
• Don't bother me, I get off of work soon and I don't stay late as you don't pay me enough.
• I have plenty of talent, I just chose not to share it at my current pay rate.
• I am visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
• I will always cherish the misconception I initially had of you.
• Boy, truth is stranger than fiction with you.
• Thank You for that. We are are certainly challenged by that point of view.
• Didn't you get the hint when I told you that no one understands you?
• What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
• If you don't want me to file charges, step backwards and never bother me again.
• You really make the grade, dumbshit.
• Oh, I get it, you're trying to be funny, but your not.
• When I graduated last year I really wanted a career. How disillusioned was that?
• Take work home. You have got to be kidding. You take it home if its that important.
• Finally! Chaos - panic - disorder - anarchy, your work here is done.
• Isn't there a circus missing its freak?
• I want to trade in my job for what's behind door number 2.
• A cubical is just like a padded cell, only difference, we volunteer to enter it to increase our insanity a little more each day.
• Don't you wish you had talent?
• I am trying real hard to imagine you with a likeable personality.
• If I throw a stick, will you go away?
• I normally try to avoid the insane, but I'll make an exception with you.
• I started here with nothing, years later I still have nothing.
• This must be hell, no one would volunteer to be here of their free will.
• Do I look like I have the answer?
• Here it come. What is your whiny, opinion today?
• I was warned I had a lot of Karma to deal with this life, but no one told me I needed to do this in Hell.
• Any connection between your reality and mine are pure coincidence.
• Who the hell are you again?
• Isn't your title purely symbolic?
• Who put you in charge? I need to talk to them about that decision.
• I'll do your job when your gone and I get your paycheck and benefits.
• Man, are you screwed.
• Did your dadddy get you this job?
• Didn't I see your picture on a most wanted poster at the post office?
• What are you doing here? I heard they fired you.
• Now that you've arrived we can begin playing charades.
• (pretend you speak to the dead) What? What is that? Ok............ok........got it, I'll pass the message along. Your ancestors are seriously disappointed in you and they hope you like things hot.
• Why are you being so mean to me, you bully you. I'm telling.
• My mother warned me about people like you.
• Let me guess. You sold out for a paycheck. No.........no....I got it, you made a deal with the Devil. Didn't you?
• What the hell are you looking at? I told you I never liked you in that way.
• Are you an escaped mental patient?

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